I was going back to myself wherein I started disassociating from the world .I had been so after the incident .When I had no one to discuss my problems with I maturely dealt with them and I became awesome .I never shared my problems with anyone whatever it was and it was the best .
When I met him I started sharing my problems and started healing .Its true when you find someone with at your own frequency ,you match with them.
Whatever state I am in ,today I am a project for everyone .People over judging my smallest reaction to everything wrong in me .This is the reason why you should not tell your problems to people around you .Everyone will either start sympathizing or trying to improve you .I don’t know why,they will start proving you a person who is good for nothing in their life .I had a friend in collage to whom I tried to share my problems ,who put be back into depression.
I was back to square one wherein just finding people over analyzing me and debugging as if a problem to be solved. Anyways ,I was learning from people around me .They could make you believe that you are good for nothing .Some things worked and some din’t .The biggest help someone could give anyone is make them find their own path.
Dale Carnegie said the your mind ultimately wants to be “Happy” and “Useful” .I could be happy on my own and about usefulness I was still searching for the passion .From my childhood till the age I joined my job I never has the habit of sharing anything .I was not even comfortable talking to people .I had panic attacks when I left college .Apparently,I went into depression because of the college I couldn’t crack into .And that was the first time after childhood I remembered that year of childhood .I realized what had happened and I started disassociating myself from everything .I did well study wise but the social me disappeared .I voice would start shaking up when talking to someone .I couldn’t make friends which was so easy earlier .Till now I have been living with my family ,and I was pretty stable .I was loved and cared .I could be myself with them .When I came into hostel already feeling nervous .
Collage everyone knows is not about studies .Yeah I did engineering ,I did projects but the social connections that I couldn’t make up served as a curse for me .I stopped feeling anything .This time I again couldn’t take help from anyone although I tried so hard .I had a wonderful time in college ,some very sweet and special memories but this mind battle couldn’t be won .I behaved very differently . There I developed insomnia .Some other hidden illness began to appear like sinus.
Joining the job,I developed borderline personalty disorder .Everything became extreme for me .When it was my induction day ,I was with one of my friend and was shaking in anxiety of nervousness .She gave a glass of water and asked me “Are you not used to around alot of people ” .She could figure out how to calm me down and I not only survive but thrived the day .With her support I could talk to everyone in the room and later we two became the escorts for the whole batch in training .
I didn’t realise then but I started depending .When I met him ,he held me so tight close to his heart ,that I forgot everything .Just concentrated on him .I started improving .I began to focus on my job ,I began to concentrate on myself ,everything changed .My insecurities blew away .But didn’t knew this habit had been becoming deep rooted in me of depending on someone so much .I had never done that before !!!
—-to be continued___stayTuned