#AnythingButChagrin


I have been avoiding my parents for a long time now.After my mother visited me in this new city and new project .Everyone was expecting that this would be change in my life .But nobody knows change doesn’t come in a day .They want to see me happily married .My father will be coming to visit .The thing is I don’t see myself married to someone and living the married life .It won’t be called life .It would be a compromise I would make because everybody has to get married because otherwise what will people say.

I am in constant fight with my inner self as to why I can’t see all the happiness which all the people of my age could see .I want something else and I don’t know what I am expecting .It seems I am dissatisfied from my life .Yes I am but the reason ,is not that clear .I had this wise me in myself always .This dissatisfaction is growing and I am not sure where it is coming from

And its not even about the marriage thing .Nobody could force me .It all comes down to self respect .I am craving for something and worst thing is I don’t even know what it is .I needed to find out .I didn’t wanted to be married ,didn’t wanted to be in anything deep,didn’t have any passion to follow basically I was having no hopes .I was not in a condition to take help from anyone nor I was that balanced to provide my help to someone .

I was dispirited ,felt low everyday .Nothing made me happy .I started yelling at people for no reasons The last time I had was in this kind of state was in my college .I felt frustrated even when I couldn’t sleep .

Was this my life .Oh yes this was ,in a pettish self humiliating way I said to myself. No it was not !!!! the subconscious said in a stern voice .I was doing okay ,not great but life would not end for me .There was no one torturing me to marry .I had pretty great people around me .I was doing okay in my job too .Everything was in its place .It was not a big a deal that I had to loose the love of my life but so many people don’t get that .They not only live ,they thrive and go above greatness .I was broke from inside from always .

The solution was reprogramming the mind ,which was not that easy but I started searching on the internet and found that people changed completely. But that was difficult path and I found that it was not possible to follow the path .But then I realized why I was waiting for the guardian angel to come and guide me the path.Why I couldn’t do it myself . I had to do it myself because only then something truly would happen .The voice should come from within only than can a change is possible .Otherwise people might guide me for sometime and when they are gone ,I couldn’t be able to survive .I wanted to do something more than survive ,it was to thrive and if somebody guided my soul it won’t be truth .That wouldn’t last for a lifetime .I wanted to create something for lifetime.

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