When some part of body is caught with some germs and starts to rot ,it cannot remain attached to body because if it remains attached to body the germs will spread to other body parts damaging them and if not removed the disease could not be cured so the doctors remove that body part completely .And the patient has to live without that part of the body for the rest of his life .Similarly if nay relation catches such a disease,it has to be cut down before it starts spreading to other relations and threatens your own existence .
But how, that was the problem .I couldn’t do that .It was like he cannot remain in my life but cannot remain out of life .I was not mentally prepared to live without the essence of him and couldn’t be that hard on my self .There were two me ,one asking to ignore his existence and other was not ready to accept that he was no more in my life .
I think this was it .I would have to accept the fact I would have to give this part and remain with it for ever.I felt alone frustrated .I tried everything .There was no going back and no hopes for his return but this burning pain would remain that transformed me into this person.I stopped talking to people .I couldn’t enjoy anyone’s company .The worst were the days when I used to fell ill.Like I would fall in borehole .
Whenever I talked to anyone ,I felt them saying
I’ll need some information first
Just the basic facts
Can you show me where it hurts? “
And I would say
“I can’t explain you would not understand
This is not how I am.
I have become comfortably numb “
My friends around me asked me that Was I high ,since I was listening to the song on repeat .
I wanted to heal and I am not sure what I was waiting for “some magic” I guess .But its real life ,some days you have to be your own sunshine .Sun goes on vacation some days .I have to stand up and be everything I wanted to be .I had to move-on ,become something ,have dreams again ,had to walk forward and never look back .I had to hold myself and create that life again from start .