An apple doesn’t rotten in a day.It is good then it starts to decay ,then decay all the way more and then its too rotten to be consumed.Same happened with me .The thoughts the negativity ,the person I have become today is not the result of what has happened today but what I took or did to myself over the years .The negative self thoughts ,the insecurities ,the fear ,the constant sabotaging of myself ,the constant ridiculing myself when alone or when with others,the pattern needed to be broken .
Everybody is a child at heart and that child is either having fun or is happy ultimately is your choice not an option.While I was a child ,I went through so many things ,but when I gaze back at the journey ,I didn’t become bitter at that time as I have become now .Instead ,I became more control and focused ,I did well in studies and every extra curricular activity.I brought laurels to my school .I made proud my parents
May be because at that time I was a child ,whatever I felt so strongly I couldn’t express them in words because firstly I was getting good moral learnings around me from my parents and teachers and secondly I was around kids and friends and colleagues that had the same values .We were innocents and were living in a shell that wrapped around us a layer of positive energy just like atmosphere around the earth.And the third most important thing that we didn’t understand everything or atleast we didn’t have to pretend to be wise .
I was at my best at that time.I was devastated from inside .I felt wronged .I felt alone but I focused that negative energy pulsating in me into one thing called “focus” .I was concentrated .I did everything with so much quality and concentration that I excelled in almost everything .I was started concentrating on my studies more and wanted to do good in everything .I never fought with any child after that incident.My personality was completely changed which I didn’t know about .I did a project in which I went upto the national level and was chosen as junior child scientist.I was honored by Late A.P.J Abdul Kalam .I was in 8th standard .In 10th standard I was chosen as the head girl.
I was so popular in my school .All my teachers looked upto me .My parents were proud And best thing in all this I got my bestest friends for life .We supported each other no matter what .There was not one pounce of jealousy among any of my friends .We all knew we all were excelling in their own fields ,whatever the fields were then.One of my BFF was so creative and had such wonderful ideas ,I thought she would become an entrepreneur some day .She was so full of knowledge and perspective .One other was really good at public speaking she would kill the health out of others in debates One other of my friend was so good at winning .If he participated in anything ,he would win .One other danced so well .One more friend was such a good observer .He observed things in an experiment and apply them to create a different experiment .So it was like he whole group was good at their own thing and each was happy and competitive enough but in a good way .I was an ideal environment to grow up .
Just one thing added when we grew up ,we had to deal with the world .Whatever was happening in my personal and school or social life .I started having two personalities .One was extrovert ,strong ,witty,smart ,happy,leader ,focussed and with the will power to do anything who everybody knew and the other was timid ,shy, introvert and self involved .I cowered in fear days and nights became silent and serious .This personality nobody knew .